The Duality of writer and author

Duality in life is one of the most important things to me. But what can I say, I’m a Libra. And while I don’t take a lot of stock in the zodiac signs, I do fit the bill for this one. One day I dress up, the next I dress like a twelve-year-old boy. One day I’m writing dark horror fantasy, the next I’m writing romantic comedy chick-lits. I am multi-faceted.

I don’t have a preferred genre, of anything. I don’t have a “type”. Life is too complex to put things in little boxes like that. I refuse to narrow or water myself down, because I can fluctuate from five different things in a week. 

Which is why the writing world, in all forms, has been a complicated one for me. I have a tumultuous relationship with the industry. When I first started writing, it was through Wattpad, fanfictions and one-shots. Those were the good days - it came so easily, and the crowd was quick to arrive. Because I had something to offer that not everyone had yet. But of course, that came down to being in something at the right time. And this industry is a lot of right place, right time, isn’t it? 

People jump onto what’s trending - what trope is landing this month? Let’s write it. And don’t get me wrong, this is totally fine. Like trending looks of the decades, trending tropes have their place. Where I think I struggle is the inability to fit into those tropes - trying to narrow down my books and writing into particular tropes where people know exactly what they’re getting? I can’t do it. Yes, some of my books have a particular trope, such as “he rescues her” or “love triangle”, but they never quite play out in the way readers of these tropes might want to see, so it feels fraudulent to promote my work that way. 

So let’s talk about the duality of being a writer and being an author. 

However you chose to identify as these titles is completely, 100% up to you. For myself, I saw myself as a writer before I published, and an author once I had a published piece. That was firm in my mind. Once I’d published, I was so excited, officially an *author*. Unfortunately, that makes it somewhat of a job. The love for writing, once I became an author, began to fade. People often think I’m constantly writing, but that’s not the case. Every single book I’ve published was written before any one of them were released. The entirety of the Blood Bound Series was written before Blood Coven came out as Red in 2020. The ‘A’ Word was written back in 2019. 

Other than short stories and the dregs of poetry I wrote when I was really depressed and heartbroken, I haven’t written anything worth anything. And this is not a discredit to my ability to write. I’m profoundly proud of myself with what I’ve written and what I’ve published. Where I once saw myself as a writer, then a writer who was also an author, I now only see myself as an author, no longer (at this time) a writer. 

Publishing was an experience that sucked the fucking life out of me. When I first published, I went, rather naively, with a vanity press. I paid a lot of money into this, and saw no return. Then I published with a small press, and it was a different experience, but one that drained every last drop of creativity from me. My last go at this publishing thing was self publishing, which was the most rewarding experience. It was finally something that I got to do everything for, and have full, hands-on control of everything. 

So I took back a lot of what the industry drained of me, but at this time, I don’t believe I have anything else to share to the world. There are no other projects I have that need to be published (except maybe Levi…. But I’m not so sure I want my son exposed to the publishing industry. I can’t fathom the idea of people not liking him, or me falling out of love with him). Maybe 2025 broke me (it did, lol). And maybe I need to allow myself time away from it all. Separate Author Sabrina and Writer Sabrina. 

​I am proud of what I have accomplished. I have been writing since I was a pre-teen. I have poured so much of myself into both the pieces I published and the ones that remain hidden on my hard drive, or tucked away on scrap loose leaf paper and notes on my phone. So don’t mistake my stepping away as giving up, but rather, a stepping off point in my life (plus, let’s face it, most of us write our best stuff when depressed, and right now, I’m not depressed). I don’t know what’s next, but I know that I need to take the pressure of writing away from it, and hopefully one day I find myself with pen to paper and an insatiable lust for storytelling again.